Today I had a moment. I had one of those moments that stay at home moms talk about. I don't have these moments too often, but today I was starting to question what in God's name possessed me to work from home. I looked around my house as I heard the cry of my one year old son letting me know he was awake from his nap. His twenty minute nap.
I stood in the middle of my office for a second and looked around. I had planned on getting as many orders packaged and put together as possible, and I had only managed to print receipts out for my orders. I stood completely still for a moment and closed my eyes, "Please fall back to sleep, please fall back to sleep." The next thing I heard was "Mama mama MAMA!!!!". You have got to be kidding me, I thought to myself. It had taken me over an hour to get him to sleep and he was already awake. If I didn't go in and get him right away he would wake up his dad.His dad is currently on third shift and that is hard on us. He works half of the month on days and half of the month on nights. The rotating schedule is tough on him and us... I took a deep breath and walked into our bedroom, only to see Ezra sitting in the middle of his crib wearing the biggest smile in the world.
His smile melts my heart. Ezra is the reason that I am so happy and often times the reason that I feel like pulling my hair out. I picked him up and asked him if he was hungry and he clapped his hands. I walked out of our bedroom quickly, hoping not to wake my husband. I walked out to the kitchen and set Ezra down on the floor.
And the screaming began.
This is when the moment happened. I stood in the middle of my kitchen thinking about all the things I had to do today and realized that I probably wasn't going to accomplish anything besides feeding my child and keeping him alive today. The sink was filled with dirty dishes, the trash was overflowing, random pots and pans were spread around the kitchen floor (Ezra had been playing with them), and Ezra just tipped over the recycling bin. My husband wouldn't be up for another six hours. Ezra would go to bed about two hours after my husband got up. This meant I would be up all night making orders and packaging them.
I looked down at Ezra, tears streaming down his face as he had his hands stretched out for me. I sighed, Can't I ever do anything without holding my son, him grabbing my leg, or him screaming? I thought to myself. He just wants to be with me ALL the time. I never get a break.
In this moment I had a choice. I could quickly make Ezra some lunch and put him in his high chair. He would eat his food and I could quickly try to clean up the kitchen, you know, so at least something would get done today. OR I could make lunch for my son and I to share.
So in the midst of my internal freak out, I decided to have lunch with my son. We ate nachos on the floor today. Sour cream was everywhere. All over his face. All over my pants. All over my hardwood floor. We laughed and played. He squealed with delight when our dog licked sour cream off of his hands.
The amount of happiness Ezra felt by me simply sitting on the floor with him completely blew my mind. That 20 minutes we shared together reset my brain. When I really thought about it, that was all he wanted. He wanted time with me.. TIME-- He spends all day with me!!!! Just think though-- he wanted my undivided, memory making time. I could give him that because it that is what really mattered.
When you're a mom, you're going to face struggles. At times you are going to feel disenchanted with your child(ren). You'll be disenchanted with your spouse, especially when they say they are tired or need some time alone. No one ever said being a mom is easy-- rewarding yes, but easy.. oh no!
If you're a work at home mom.. you will question yourself from time to time. You will look around your clusterfuck of an office and wonder what the hell you were thinking-- especially when your one year old spills charcoal facial scrub all over the floor. You will feel like you never leave work. You will be overwhelmed. Customers will drive you nuts sometimes.
If you're a stay at home mom.. you will come out of the bathroom after only being in there a minute and find that your previously tidy living room looks like someone ransacked the place... and your eleven month old will be sitting in the middle of the room smiling ear to ear.
You will wonder why you ever decided to stay home in the first place. You will have those days.. and you're allowed to have those days. Children are amazing! They keep you young but they also make you question your sanity at times.
There will be times where you feel like your heart will explode because you love your child so much. There will be times that you inform your spouse that you will be taking a damn shower.. ALONE. There will be times that you need to be alone. There will be times you need wine (who am I kidding I always need it!!).
There will be times that you eat nachos on the floor and wonder what it is about eating nachos on the floor that makes your child so happy. It's the simple things.
Well the cookbook is almost here! I know that many of my followers are anxiously waiting to try out some of our yummy recipes, so I thought I would post a recipe of one of my favorite treats!
Let's talk about our amazing cookbook shoot! Just look at my little dough boy! He had a blast playing with the dough and kept attempting to eat as much of it as he could! Not only were the photos adorable, but he had himself a nice little sensory activity--- two birds with one stone eh?
When we were searching for a photographer to capture the style of our cookbook, we definitely shopped around! In the area we live in, it seems like almost everyone is a photographer, so finding the perfect photographer was a little bit of work. Thankfully, we found Amber Urey Photography, LLC and she did an AMAZING job! She was also a lot of fun to work with!
But now to the no-bakes!
Prepare yourself for a smooth, rich treat that contains no sugar! What? No sugar??
Okay well there is raw honey-- a "natural" sugar if you really want to get technical, but this particular recipe contains no refined sugars! Wooohoo!
Breastfeeding is a beautiful thing. You see the photographs of the mother and her baby gazing into one another's eyes, drowning in a sea of oxytocin. While I was pregnant with my son, I looked forward to breastfeeding. I had a goal of at least a year (we are almost there!). When I would daydream about nursing, I always imagined laying in bed and cuddling my little boy. My daydreams became a reality on Valentine's Day of 2015. Ezra latched for the first time around 8:45 pm, it was a little latch and it definitely didn't last as long as I was expecting. As the next couple months went on, we had our fair share of struggles but for the most part, breastfeeding was bliss.. until he was around 4 months.
For the first four months of Ezra's life, we stayed home. He was born in the winter, so it was easy to stay inside nestled in my robe. When Ezra was four months old, we took a trip to Michigan for a family wedding. It was then that I realized how uncomfortable my nursing bra was. Up until this point I had rarely worn it, I was content wearing a nursing tank every shirt or just a nursing tank by itself. While I was visiting family, I wrestled with my bra trying to get easy access to nurse my impatient baby. I shopped at six different stores while I was in Michigan (even maternity stores) and couldn't find a bra that fit right and was comfortable-- let alone cute. I finally gave up after a couple days and decided not to wear one at all.
As time went on I would only wear my nursing bra (also the only bra that I had that fit me) if all of my nursing tanks were dirty. Not only was every bra I had tried uncomfortable but completely and totally unflattering. For those of you who don't know, after a woman has a baby, she doesn't always feel so sexy. While a woman is nursing, often times her libido is much lower as well. Long gone were the days of feeling sexy in a bra. Sure, I was content with my body. I had lost my baby weight, but my bras just were uncomfortable and unflattering! I felt like the "fun" in bra shopping was gone.. gone forever-- or until I was done nursing.
Enter.. Bella Materna ...
I came across Bella Materna on Instagram a couple months ago. I was floored when I searched their store! The cute little online store had beautiful bras that actually looked sexy but also looked like they would serve the purpose of a nursing bra. To be honest, I didn't have much hope.. I got the bra thinking, "Well at least it is kinda sexy. It probably won't even be comfortable."
Was I ever wrong! I ordered my bra and it showed up on my doorstep 4 days later. I opened the box and my bra was wrapped in pink tissue paper-- completely adorable. It came with a translucent racerback accessory-- perfect for tank tops in the summer time (I was never a fan of showing bra straps). I quickly put the bra on and threw a t shirt over my head and was out the door to go grocery shopping with my husband.
Ezra asked to nurse about a half hour into our grocery trip. I was wearing him in my ergo and quickly unsnapped the bra and let him nurse. Hmm.. that was simple and discrete. We shopped for about three hours (we do big shopping once a month) and I was so comfortable in the bra that I actually forgot I was wearing one.. That hasn't happened to me since I was about ten weeks pregnant. I mentioned to my husband that the new bra I bought was pretty comfortable.. we joked that he might not have to be embarrassed when his friends came around because his wife refused to wear a bra... (yeah it was that bad.. no shame!)
Later that night when I was getting undressed my husband glanced over at me and then took a double take... "Hey there... is that your new bra?" I blushed.. yup first time I've blushed in a long time. I turned and looked at myself in the mirror-- whoa I thought to myself.. The bra fit perfectly. No discomfort. It was easy to nurse in and it even looked just fine under my clothes!
I have to admit I love this bra so much, that I'm probably going to buy a couple more... Oh and one other thing that is so awesome about this bra?? They expect this bra to last you all the way through nursing! See those little hoops in the center?? Those are to convert the nursing bra into a standard bra once you are done nursing! How cool right??
As I looked a little further on their site I saw that they even offer bras for even bigger sizes (up to J)! I know quite a few moms who had difficulty finding nursing bras that were big enough for them-- look no further ladies... bella materna has you covered!
I plan to buy their Anytime Nursing Gowns to wear around the house and in the summer time when I watch Ezra play in our backyard!
Seriously ladies- BEST BRA EVER! Go order yourselves one!!
For 15% off your order click HERE
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Who am I?
My name is Jessica Kellaway! I am the earth loving, natural parenting, Jesus loving weirdo your mama might have warned you about!