I often refer to this blog and website as a Natural Health website. Most of the time I feature skin care products from my line, essential oils, random health topics, and recipes. This time I'm going to take a moment to talk about somethings that are important to be healthy. Relationship. Yep, the big one. Marriage. Finances.
I remember hearing the song "Everyday is a winding road" by Sheryl Crow growing up. Looking back, I never knew how important that song would be and those lyrics would be until now.
My husband and I have been married about two and a half years and have been together six. It seems crazy to me to look back and think about where we were six years ago and how much we grew together. That would have to be the best thing about meeting my spouse at a young age-- we grew together. Some people tend to grow apart, and at times, I'm shocked that we didn't grow apart. We both have changed so much but we at least try to understand each other.
I always had an interest in health, he always had an interested in going into the service. I don't think either of us really thought we would end up pursing what we really loved. So many people settle and sometimes are forced to settle into some type of career or job just to pay the bills. Two years ago when he enlisted, we were at a rocky point. We couldn't pay our bills, I was sick (which was resolved shortly after he went off to bootcamp), credit cards were piling up, and it seemed no matter how careful we were... we couldn't come up for air. He enlisted, we went a month without his pay. That was a rough month! I was living completely alone for the first time in my life. I had to see myself and live with myself, which sometimes is harder than you would think.
We spent the next year apart, he lived in Florida and I lived in Michigan. Money was tight, living in two different states, but we made it work.
In February 2014, we were finally reunited and bought a house in Virginia. We finally had everything under control. We were actually starting to be able to put money into our savings, buy things for our baby that is on the way, and we could go out and not worry and wonder how we were going to handle that later. I still kept us on quite the budget, but we had "fun" money for the first time. We didn't have tons of money-- and still needed help from my father-in-law to attend school, but we could take care of ourselves. We could afford to eat nutrient dense foods, good supplements, good essential oils, etc.
Flash forward to a couple of months ago. We let a friend move in with us from out of state-- well let me take that back... My husband allow a friend to move in with us from our home state, Michigan. At first it didn't sound so bad, but I immediately didn't like the idea. I was 19 weeks pregnant and knew that the cost of living is a bit higher in Virginia than it is in Michigan. The only thing that comforted me was the fact that I knew that in Virginia the job market is so much better than it is in Michigan.
At first it started out okay, our live in gave us money for food the first day he was here, and helped me out a bit-- reminding me that I had to take breaks and not push myself so hard. He looked for some jobs, my husband took him to a few places, the rest of the time he was looking online. After 2 weeks he hadn't really had any luck yet. This was when my husband suggested he look into finding temporary work, like fast food chains or a local store. His friend agreed. Well, we ended up going to Michigan after he had been with us about 3 weeks for our baby shower. At the 3 week mark was when my husband and I started having some problems.
I will admit it. I tend to be a bit clingy. Especially now. Being separated from my husband-- my everything-- for a year was difficult and I don't really want to share him. I want to have him all to myself. I want to have this special time between just us to prepare for our son to be born. I don't mind him going out with his Navy buddies and friends that he knows from work and whatnot, but I tend to get irritated when those friends don't leave... they live with us.
At the 3 week mark, I was getting antsy. We were going back to Michigan and I was looking forward to having some peace and quiet in the car with my husband. That wasn't what happened. His friend said he wanted to come along because he wanted to visit his daughter in Michigan. Okay... I said to myself.. that makes sense. It would also be easier taking a 13 hour drive in one day because there were 3 people who could take turns driving on and off. I did however, inform my husband that his friend needed to stay with his parents-- I needed a break. My husband agreed.
When we reached Michigan, I confided in my grandmother. I cried and had myself a bit of a hormonal breakdown. To my surprise, she didn't tell me to get over myself. You see, my grandparents were also in the service. She spent a lot of time alone as well and understood how important this time is to be just my husband and I. She gave me some good words of advice. She also encouraged me to talk to my husband when I'm feeling upset and not to hold it all in. Plus she encouraged me to get a bit more of a backbone with our house guest.
When we went back to Virginia, my husband and I had a good talk. I told him he needed to give his friend a date -- an actual date-- as to when he needed to have a job by because I wanted alone time with my husband before the baby was born. He agreed and talked to his friend.
Over the next 6 weeks-- yes you read that right 6 weeks-- our friend didn't find a job. My husband thought maybe he was starting to get a bit depressed-- which anyone would. If you relocated and tried finding a job and couldn't it would be difficult and you might start losing some faith in yourself. I became to become frustrated with my husband.. This is where my husband helping someone became a bit of an issue. On Christmas-- I completely lost it. I cried for probably 2 or 3 hours and wasn't too consolable.
I was starting to feel a bit devastated. In the past 10 weeks, our utilities had doubled, our food cost went up, my husband and I were fighting more and more. Our fights always ended the same. I began to hate myself for not being able to get over the fact that what I really needed from my husband was to stop helping everyone else and look at what needed to be done in the home. In the past 10 weeks I had some minor complications with my pregnancy, I wasn't sleeping due to stressful dreams, I was irritated all the time, and my husband and I couldn't stop arguing.
This wasn't us. We weren't the couple that fought all the time. We might bicker and argue but we never really had huge fights. I never really questioned our marriage. I never had felt heartbroken by him. He had never been so frustrated with me. What was happening to us?
After a long talk on Christmas, we saw that things really needed to change. He promised me that they would change. I promised to try to have a better attitude. Helping people had never really bothered me before. Giving is part of who I am. I love helping people, if it is possible, because I remember a time that we could have used help. This time it bothered me. I had this vision in my head about our first Christmas in our first house together. I had all these plans. Everyday it seemed as if a plan that I had was being pushed away.
Our friend ended up not finding a job, so he ended up going back to Michigan. I'm sad that it didn't work out for him down here in Virginia-- I really am. I wish he could have found a good job and gotten himself an apartment and gotten stable. Things just didn't work out as he planned either. In all of this I'm trying to see his side of things. He went out on a limb and the limb broke. That has to be disappointing. Just as I am disappointed and irritated that the plans I had didn't work out.
With every disappointment or failed plan, my husband and I make it a point to try and learn something for it. To be honest, in the last 11 weeks, our relationship suffered more than it has ever suffered. We were both pushed to limits we didn't know we could reach. BUT we learned from it and it has made us stronger. Here are some of the things we learned!
In this situation, my husband and I had a few break-throughs. I love him for who he is and what he tried to do. The timing was just off. I love him for being willing to help a friend move from out of state, give him a place to stay in our home, feed him, and help him live comfortably. I love him for being willing to give of himself and his time to someone who needed help. He told me the other day that I had changed a lot. 4 years ago, 3 years ago, even 1 year ago-- I would have been the hardest person in the world to live with. I would have probably made my discomforts known to everyone. I would have stopped cooking. Honestly, I would have probably made our guest feel so uncomfortable. Honestly, in the past we had helped other friends out, but never realized how much it took from us financially. In the last 6 years of our relationship we have only lived just the 2 of us for about 8-9 months. We lived with his family for a bit, then we had roommates at an apartment, then we let a friend move in with us when we had a house on the lake in Michigan. Neither of us realized how much we valued having time that was just the two of us, until someone moved in.
Being healthy doesn't just mean the foods you eat. It means the company you keep, the foods you eat, the way you feel mentally & emotionally, your spiritual life, the environment you live in, and the state of your close relationships. Realize that each part of that is important. Each and every part of your health is important. Your relationships should NEVER be put on the back burner. Always make God & your spouse the first things in your life. (if you have children-- they go up there too ;) )
Eating Healthy on a budget
During the last 11 weeks and for the next 5 or 6 until we can catch up on bills- money is tight. We have to put extra money aside that we would normally spend on food to buy last minute things for our son, pay our bills, and put into savings for emergencies (like vehicle breaking down or something going wrong in the house). Here are some of the tips that I have and we have figured out to save some money on food. We already follow TONS of money saving tips-- but here are a few extra that we picked up over the last few weeks.
Who am I?
My name is Jessica Kellaway! I am the earth loving, natural parenting, Jesus loving weirdo your mama might have warned you about!